Connections Past and Present

Your sweet 16 and you like this guy, but he lives in another state but you still like him…what do you do? You fall for him and meet him for a one time only meeting.

That is my introduction to this stage of my life. I felt like I knew no one, no one knew me and the only person I felt connected too was a thousand miles away.

The irony is that the internet brings you so close, yet you are so far away. It felt so real at the time and everything felt so perfect, even if it was just a fantasy I was living in.

He came to Melbourne with a confused mind and that only made me want him more. I wanted him to find me in his mind and realise it was me he wanted. Of course that is the first major lesson of life I learnt. You can’t make someone love you, and maybe I didn’t even know what love was at the time.

How can you love someone you have never met in person? How can you love someone when you can’t even communicate your feelings to them?

He made me feel happy by just being him and even though I didn’t know that much about him, I knew I wanted to know more. Part of me suspected that it may never go that far, but I wanted to believe in a lifetime of happiness with someone I hardly knew.

I was so cut up when I found out the truth that I should have seen all along. The truth that others had brought to my vision many times before, you can’t love what you have never met. How do you know if it’s real or not, you could in love with an illusion?

I don’t even know how to describe this friendship with this beautiful guy. In such a short time I found so much of happiness, by knowing one amazing guy.

There is one of his quotes I will never forget “There are no two snowflakes alike in the world, I believe it is the same with people. “

I was 16, moving on from my broken images of what love was and what I had perceived it to be.

My emotions were all over the place at this time of my life and his uniqueness grounded me in some strange way.

He would hold me and I would sleep in his arms till the light came up, he had his own blanket of colours which represented so much of who he was.

I was so confused about what I wanted whilst I was connecting with him on an emotional level, my heart was still torn up and broken. Deep down I wanted him, yet I never thought about it until it was too late.

It is just one of those times. You don’t know what you got until you have lost it. I will always have a huge respect for who he is and what he strives to be.

I was not looking for a boyfriend at the time but then he was there. He was my first boyfriend. He was two years older than me, and that was probably what I needed at the time but it was that time of my life when I was stuck in despondency and no one could reach me.

He was a very special guy and there was a lot of him I unfortunately didn’t get to see.

From previous experience I had been hurt and did not want to end up there again, subconsciously I was trying to protect myself and love at the same time.

I put up a wall and had this feeling that it would end before it could begin. That kind of thinking is not healthy in any relationship.

He let me go, and I am sure there were many reasons but at the time I certainly was not equipped to handle a relationship. It took a lot of sorting out emotions before I was able to move past and just be happy by myself.

Hopefully one day we will be close again, just like before we were together. 

Can you say sudden? That good old internet chat working its magic ways on ours fingers. We chatted for hours and hours until at least 4:00am the next morning. It was a nice chat, about all sorts of silly and nice things.

He then asked me to date him, I said no. Of course I did, I did not know him. So we met a few days latter in Sanity and went for drinks at Wendy’s. It was a fun experience. We then caught up many times that week. He did approach the question of us dating again but I still felt like I didn’t know him well enough.

Latter in the week he stayed over, we got drunk and the question came up again. I felt ready by this stage and wanted to know more. It was one of those ‘Although I don’t know you…let’s do this...and work out the details latter’ moments.

It actually lasted 3 and ½ months with many up’s and downs and happy and sad moments all included. It was a very mixed relationship and I found a very special guy that I could connect too. Ultimately it did end for various reasons and I had held back luckily.

I moved on a lot easier than I would have if I had of let him know so much more about whom I was and how I felt.

I met him the net and he was turned into a PBF (Potential Boy Friend) for many months after that.  I didn’t want to rush into anything, I had been hurt before and wanted to go slow.

Many months latter it was time to make it official and we began dating after a very special romantic night, one that I had always wanted.

We connected on many levels and got much closer when he took me on a holiday to Queensland, it was a great week that we had.

Shared stories of life and what we wanted, it was a beautiful time.

It’s been two years now and that suggests something good to me.

It took me a long time to admit that I loved him, even though I had loved him before I said it out loud.

We now live together in Melbourne and have been together two years. Aren’t happy endings nice?